Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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