wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
