it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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