just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
