That's when you crack a 10am beer
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
