"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
