You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
MIDGETS
????
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
