When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
