ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
