we have pet lesbian snakes
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
