he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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