her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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