Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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