none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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