i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
