u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
