you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
