I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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