I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
