So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
