You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
