you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He felt like a one man threesome
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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