two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
