i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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