I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
