Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
