The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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