We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
