just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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