i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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