College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
