Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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