Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize