ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
