If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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