The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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