You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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