We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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