You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
