remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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