i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
