We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
