Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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