the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
