Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
