i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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