he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We need to get me chipped asap
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
