So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize