how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
