yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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