i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
