Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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