Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
