i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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