i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
