doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
