i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
