remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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