just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm both gender and math confused
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
