Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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