I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
