He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
farters have to be the big spoon...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
