mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
