I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
