Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
