I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
