I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
