thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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