so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
