At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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