On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
