she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
