the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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