last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
