i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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