Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
