my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
