He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
