C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
