you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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