epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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