I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
