The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
