My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
