guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
