I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
