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the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
