i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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