You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
