I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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