my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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