Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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