He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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