Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
