Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
