I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
