She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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