Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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