so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
