Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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