Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
