You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
