'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
