On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
