break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
