I don't usually arrange sex via text message
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize