Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
