yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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