i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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