Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
