I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
